Well I knew I shouldn't have got my hopes up this month. I had changed my diet at the end of last month and it's showing with my cycle this month. AF is a week late. I have taken four pregnancy tests all negative. Two this morning and two a couple of days ago...
I just feel like such a failure... I know people that don't want their babies, or don't have them in good conditions. I want one so bad I have cried over this... Nick wants to be a dad so bad and I feel as if it's my fault we haven't had one yet. This time last year I was pregnant with baby Aiden... Of course my chemicals didn't mix with the babies so I had a very early miscarriage. I feel as if I will never be a mother. :( We can't afford adoption or i.v.f. We have been ttcing for over two years... I know a lot of people didn't know but we have... I track AF my ovulation all of it... I have even talked to several obgyns and all of them weren't helpful. "You're so young you should wait to have kids." or better yet this one hurts, "You know you should lose weight before you try or even think about having a baby." Knowing that I have my thyroid problem I have also heard this one, "Do you really want to have a baby on all this medicine?" (Knowing completely that I am only taking my thyroid medicine and my prenatal daily the rest is just in case). I just want to give up so bad....
Everyone of my friends I like to hang out with have kids and makes me just want them more. I love these kids as if they were my own, but truthfully it hurts a bit knowing most of them got pregnant on accident, and I can't get pregnant on purpose... *Sigh* I guess that's it for now, I just wanted to throw my feelings out there.
If you really want a child, you have plenty of time, but all you can do is try and God will do the rest. When you are ready, He will bless you with a baby. Don't let it get your spirits down though because it's not anyone's "fault." Joseph's uncle has been trying for 10 years to have kids with IVF and is now trying to adopt. We all have a different road when it comes to children, and I know it hurts when you see others with the kids they didn't want. I see it all the time in stores, cars, ...you just want to save them and take them away, and wish you could smack the parents around. It only gives you a better appreciation for how you will treat your babies.
ReplyDeleteI know I have plenty of time I just know from my dad's side the older you are the harder it is to have a baby, and sometimes I feel as if it's my fault. That I fail as a woman because I can't make a baby easily... IVF is really expensive I have looked into every method... :/ Yes it does hurt I will cherish my children like no other. I have a person I know that is close to being on the street and is to selfish to her children... I wanted to just scream at her. I have talked with Nick about this. His and yours and my friend Nikki's words have made me feel so much better.
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